Monday, February 23, 2009

Diary Of A Gay Black Man Vol. 1


I guess I wouldn't be classified as the typical gay male. I don't talk, walk or behave feminine or even have the "look". My dreams once consisted of meeting the perfect girl have three kids with a dog and the white picket fence. But somewhere in my growth I realized that wasn't really in my heart. That it was society's view of who I had to be. And to be honest, without the internet and the blessings of a few men I was able to meet, I may have lived the proclaimed life full of pretended happiness.
As I became content with who I was, I refused to be what society said I had to be. I often challenged both straight and gay people with my individuality. I'm a man who loves sports, grabbing my crotch and even spit once in awhile. I have a natural masculinity in my appearance and demeanor which often makes both sides of the fence question me. One guy at a straight club recently came up to me and asked "how can you be gay?" I glanced at this man who was full of testosterone and said "can't help how I was born". He didn't judge me nor did he change the way he acted towards me, instead he became touchier and very flirtatious. You wouldn't even imagine how many of those experiences I've had with straight men. Maybe the world is becoming more open minded or just less homophobic or maybe there's just a lot of men living the life I thought I had to live to make everyone else happy.
For any other gay men out there, you know the answer to that. I personally don't believe anyone should be afraid to be who they are. Because honestly I was afraid at first, but as time went on and the more terrific, accepting human beings I've met made me show the world a perfect example of another kind of gay man. No boa's around my neck, no platform shoes or switch in my walk but just a man who happened to love other men. I love my females too! In fact I've had the normal young boy crushes growing up but I realized I had those crushes because I wanted to have them and they weren't natural feelings. While I wanted to be with a girl named Tanisha, I was secretly craving a boy named Eric for example.
All I ask from anyone, no matter what your views are is just to see me as who I am first and know this is not my choice, but my given path which is hard enough for me to follow without potholes in the road making it worse. And I realize it’s the acceptance in myself that will make others accept the person who is me.


  1. Good for you. You Big Buff Boy :)
    Hugs Jo

  2. Thank you Jo, appreciate you stopping by

  3. I know girls who spit and grab there crouch. You talk about sterotypes but you sure do a lot of sterotyping in your writing. Typical normal gay men aren't as femmine as you ascertain.

  4. Which I know and the point of this..try reading again

  5. Well, as an older gay it seems to me that most of the younger crowd ARE much more comfortable with being more effeminate, actually!
    They just don't seem to care about being "manly" in the traditional sense.
    Sometimes the result can be a bit "trainwreck-y" to my mind, but I realize that it's not being aimed at me!

  6. I love this one, because I remember that night, soo hot. and even still, is that you a soo much str8'r then B..... "Him". lol

  7. @Bobby..we is still hard for some

    @Charles..yes I knew you would remember!