Monday, February 8, 2010

Diary Of A Gay Black Man Vol. 3 "The Myth"

I cringe just writing about this but here I go. The most annoying and frustrating question I’m asked is guess?

“Is it true what they say about black men?”

Now how do I answer this question? My usual answer is we’re just like other men, there are different shapes and sizes and we’re not all twelve inches! I guess all myths stem from some reality but you must remember that all myths are myths because they have some exaggerated truth about them. Now I’m not going to discuss my dick size because that’s simply not important. Well put it this way, I haven’t had any complaints. But as far as the gay world goes, it’s a pressure put on us black men. There are some men who are size queens who seek the biggest “cock” they can find and to them that’s going to come from a black man.

It happens in the straight world also because all through college, my roommate, who was very straight constantly asked to see my supposedly monster “cock”. He always said cock, but I’d rather it be called dick. But I’m sure you all have your own name you call it. Whatever is fine with me. I entered the gay world very naïve and I felt any guy who liked me would like me for who I was and not what was between my legs. Unfortunately I found out that some guys do measure there man by the number of inches they have. I understand part of that because they just want to be “satisfied”. But far does that really take someone in a relationship? I don’t like feeling and wondering if the guy I’m with is only with me because I must be “hung”.

When I get emails on online sites some of the first responses I get are “how hung”, “you must be hung”, “love hung black men”. It makes me shake my head when I read these emails because first of all I don’t get a “hello” or a “how are you”, just straight to what counts the most, my size! It really puts a pressure on me because if I was to meet any of these guys I have to well….represent. I know for a fact there are white men definitely bigger than me, a couple of you may even be reading and I also know for a fact that there are some smaller. But I’ll tell you that doesn’t even enter my mind when first seeing a hot guy on the street or even chatting to someone online. Eventually the topic may come up but I really do try to get to know the guy a little bit before asking what’s in their pants.

And I don’t want this to add to the stereotype that all gay men are just sexual, just 95% are just don’t assume you’re going to get something the size of a snake when I drop my pants. Who started this myth, what started it? I really don’t have a clue. Like many myths I’m sure a black man ran around naked somewhere and someone figured “they must all be like that”.

You know I used to be proud of the myth but somewhere in growing up it became annoying because I really don’t want to be defined by what I’m packin’, I want to be defined by how I can use it. I’m kidding but you know that’s important and ladies can even agree to that one. So if you’re a size queen please don’t take offense, if you’re well endowed don’t brag too much, and if you’re not blessed below just learn how to use it. But just let the myth die please.

© 2007

Tarringo T. Vaughan


  1. Hello Tarringo. I just traded a few messages with you on ICU and juat from that small exchange I can tell that you have a head on your shoulders. I thought I'd comment on "The Myth" from another perspective. There was a time when I predominately dated black men. I used to get the rudest comments from both black and white guys. Mostly about how I was onky interested in black guys cuz I was chasing big dicks. I'm sure you are familiar with all the other derogatory names. I can't pretend that I don't have a 'thing' for guys of color, but that includes ALL color. So when I point out a cute Asian guy to someone I get the opposite kind of comments. I understand that human beings use stereotypes to help them make sense of the world, but I don't get why folks (esp gay folks) are so quick to pigeon-hole me by who I'm attracted to and the other for being who they are. I like what I like and have no apologies, but I TRY not to impose my own pre-conceived ideas on others. Love if it I got the same in return. You must deal with these issues ten fold. Maybe things will change over time. Let's hope so. :)

  2. Thank you for commenting Michael and everyone has their preferences but we also just have to try to remember to be open minded

  3. Your work is really moving my friend.

  4. Amen to Michael!
    But being mean and judgmental seems to be part of being human. Is it not so?